Why Do People Think Love Locks are a Good Idea?
Love locks divide opinion in Bristol; some people hate them, and the other people are wrong. Often crudely engraved with messages of love or just simply ‘Cu*t’ as one example on Pero's Bridge on the Bristols floating harbour shows.
I implore you think before you lock. It really is key. Understanding the 8 key principles in this blog will really unlock doors for you. It’s a winning combination. Lock etc.
If you sit down and think about it, there is nothing that makes sense about this stupid little fad.
There are of course countless reasons why. These are just 8 examples I thought up before breakfast.
8. Padlocks are hardly the right symbol
Padlocks are normally used to ensure people don't steal things from sheds or industrial units. A tool built on the distrust of our society. What does a padlock even symbolise; locking in the love like Shreddies ‘lock in the hunger till lunch’? You start mentioning ‘locks and loved ones’ and it all gets a bit Josef Fritzl does it not?
7. Combination locks are an ever worse choice for symbolism
People using combination locks - are you actually kidding me? The whole point of a padlock is to (supposedly) symbolise an unbreakable bond, not a mathematical improbability. Nothing will tear our love apart. Nothing. Well, yes, there is a one in a thousand chance that someone would be able to guess the combination I suppose, and In that case our love would be torn apart. Well, merely unlocked. Smooth moves Casanova.
6. It's not Game of Thrones times any more
Locks are already built into doors now. I'm happy with that. It works. Padlocks are archaic. The only appropriate uses for a padlocks are gym lockers and sheds. That is it. Even cyclists have evolved to use properly suited locking mechanisms, although not yet evolved sufficiently to use a proper mode of transport.
5. I don't go to your work and mess up your Excel spreadsheets for the sake of love.
The poor engineers. Bridges are built to high specification taking a sympathetic view of its architectural surroundings. They are precision designed with specific load bearing requirements calculated on traffic usage and expected footfall. Padlocks are made in a dusty factory for the purpose of stopping theft of pressure washers from sheds. Never the twain shall meet.
4. It's a bit tacky no?
People who think love locks are a good idea also think that setting off sky lanterns is a deeply spiritual experience and that Mrs Browns Boys is clever humour.
3. Is this just me?
Is it not an oversight to cover a bridge in Bristol that is named after a slave, with locking devices... Does anyone else see that? No? Just me?
2. Compensating for something?
People are actually getting competitive. Over the size of locks. It's no longer enough to place a small symbolic padlock inconspicuously on a bridge or public monument. Railings are now covered in locks that look like they were forged in the heart of Mordor. There are reinforced locks that wouldn’t look out of place in the security set-up of Camp Bastion and even bespoke laser engraved love locks. It’s like that scene from Indiana Jones where the crusty Nazi picks the fancy chalice. You’re all picking fancy chalices and there will be a consequence.
1. Forever, forever?
Love locks are an ill-conceived visual homage to douchebaggery. Call me pessimistic, but not all of those relationships so lovingly represented with a bit of shit hardware are actually going to survive. What's going to happen then? Pop back in the dead of night with a pair of bolt cutters only to find that your choice of a lock is a bit much to handle? You're going to have to walk past that every single day now and be reminded of love lost. Please do. I want you to look at it to remind of how foolish in love you really were, but also how much of a bellend you really are for putting it there. Let that feeling wash over you as well as the sudden realisation that a combination lock wouldn't have been such a bad idea after all.
Image credit: Klesta