Splash! The Perfect Trash TV Show Concept?
Yesterday I watched a television programme called Splash, brought to you by the nations favourite bronze medallist Tom Daley. As well as sufficing as ample pun fodder for reviewers, Splash served as a reminder to us all that TV is all about the ratings. Twitter was in outrage, Facebook was a scene of mild annoyance and Instagrammers we're too busy taking pictures of ham.
The show combines freak show levels of curiosity with a gaggle of book deal hunting celebrities and most importantly; just enough of a promise of televised physical injury.
It was abuse of the Olympic hangover to monumental effect, and it was so painful it was numbing.
(You might as well skip to 1:15)
This was celebrity 'out of their comfort zone' TV, of which there are many types; dancing, ice skating, sitting in a house and most infamously: pleasuring a pig. But out of all the programmes, Splash! has managed to capture the twisted imagination of a nation.
We love to watch this car crash TV, not because we are emotionally invested in the journeys of the celebrities taking part, but because of the teasing probability - if not inevitability - of failure.
We all know that the British crave failure, god knows I do, and we also love to mock celebrities. I have tried to combine these winning attributes to bring you a list that I can modestly say, will change the way we think about reality TV shows forever.
3. Celebrity Marlin Fishing
Fishing is the number one participation sport in the UK. I'm sure that stat is buoyed by the fact that some people fish not to starve, but nevertheless you are appealing to a large chunk of the worlds population.
I also have it on good authority that the real popular sports are dogging and stabbing but I think they've both been done to death to be honest.
Thanks for that, 'truth bringer'...
Celebrity marlin fishing does what it says on the tin – teams of marlin go head to head to catch the most celebrities they can. Reel promise this one.
2. A Close Shave!
Everyone loves a silly Movember moustache. Which brings me abrasively to my latest incarnation: 'A Close Shave!' A team of celebrities each grows a beard (providing a lovely montage opportunity.) The grand finale of the show being a shave-off in front of a live studio audience.
But here comes the twist. Each celebrity is given an electric shaver with only a small amount of charge and they must race against the clock before the power runs out. If your electric shaver has ever started to cut out mid shave when you are late for work, you will understand just how intense this competition will be. Blood, Sweat and... Unsavoury rashes?
1. Sorry I think You're in My Seat
And finally, 'Sorry I think You're in My Seat', a series of socially awkward challenges recorded in secret as celebrities go about their everyday lives. E.g. everyones in a queue in Tesco and someone doesn't realise there's a queue and its very awkward and its up to the celebrity to point out that there is a queue and restore the peace. Phew.
Other challenges include the classic 'there's someone in my pre-booked train seat' and the ever popular 'you've got something on your face but I've missed the opportunity to tell you.'
Until some of my own 'interesting' ideas are put into production, we'll just have to stick with splash for now, unless you have any ideas?
Main Image: Marianne Bevis